THE ART OF BEING THE BEST MOM

Its not about "becoming" the BEST mom, but "being" the BEST mom you always have been from Day 1.

To all the mom’s wish you a very Happy mother’s day to you!

Is it really a happy day for you? I know most of you clicked on this blog reading words “The BEST mom”. Why? Because that is what each one of us moms strive towards everyday – being the best, doing the best, giving the best, creating the best.

How do I know? Well, I am a mom too. I was sailing in the same boat as you for many years. Since past few years things have changed but occasionally still, I do go back to becoming the BEST mom.

So what changed for me in the past few years ? I met few women especially moms, whom I call my guardian angels. They guided me in my journey as a mom. This blog "the art of being the best mom" is based on the lessons I learnt from my guardian angels.

I remember the day I became a mom. It was huge transition for me - from being Daddy’s princess to mother of a princess.

As a Malayali married to a Maharashtrian, there was a constant conflict in parenting styles between my parents & in-laws which confused me a lot. Also, I wanted to avoid the mistakes my mom & mother-in-law made and become better than them. Then the constant subconscious thought, “I want to be the best mom for my daughter”. So, my motherhood journey started with 3 C’s - Confusion, Competition and Compulsion of being the BEST mom.

And above all, just like every child, my daughter didn’t come with a manual 😜 so every day was an adventure - juggling with career, home, family and being the “best” mom.

The major struggle began when my daughter entered teenage. I just couldn’t understand what to do. I questioned, second-guessed, and doubted myself and my parenting ways. As if parents & in laws were not enough, neighbours, relatives, friends all came up to give advice and indirectly pointing out that I was not doing enough.

The best part - no one understood my struggles except my guardian angels, who said, "Smita, relax its not your fault”.

So, think of me as that guardian angel for you, who has been in your future, and I want to say to you the exact same things my guardian angels told me during my journey from a preteen’s mom to a teenager’s & now a young adult’s mom. “Dear, I know you feel a rollercoaster of emotions every day. When your teen seeks independence and they roll their eyes or slam the door, shut you out or give you the silent treatment or push you away, you feel hurt, uncertain, frustrated and invisible, as if you are losing pieces of who you are. You want to be there for them, to guide them, protect them—but sometimes, it feels, your love is bouncing off walls, you are not even sure if your words are reaching them, and even if they hear you, are you enough or have you failed them?”

STOP. Snap out of these emotions. You are not failing. You are a human, doing the hardest job in the world.

When I realised this a few years ago I found the A-R-T of being the BEST Mom. Do you want to know what A-R-T is?

A-R-T

1. A = Accept - "You are the best mom your teen could ever get". Otherwise, your teen would have got another mom right? So, enough of doubting yourselves. For the longest, you have been listening to others and like me living with the 3 C’s of Confusion, Competition and Compulsion. You forgot to focus on this simple and universal truth. So, come out of your denial of not being good enough. Accept that no one else in this world could be better mom for your teen than you. Say this affirmation to yourself,

"I am the BEST mom my teen could ever get".

2. R = Receive - "Whole heartedly receive all the praise you get for your teen". If someone praises you for your parenting or your teen for their accomplishments, say thank you. Don’t shy away from receiving appreciation. I say always this, when your teen does good the whole world wants to take credit and one mistake, the finger is pointed to the mother. So, STOP this now. Just like, you take responsibility for your child’s flaws & faults, start taking credit for their achievements too. Whenever you see the good things in your child - Pat your back. Take pride in yourself. Receive all the love to fill your heart. Say this affirmation to yourself,

"I whole heartedly receive all the praise I get for my teen. I deserve it."

3. T = Trust your upbringing – "Apni parvarish par bharosa rakho". From the time your child was born, you are laying the foundation for their personality by all your kindness, your wisdom, your strength, patience, your commitment, your vulnerability, resilience, every word of encouragement, your presence, and your unconditional love. Even though your teen may not listen to your words, they watch you and follow you. Remember your teen is your reflection and you are their role model. Now the foundation has already been laid by you. It’s time for you, to trust your teen, let them make mistakes and learn from them. You sit back, support them only when needed, and watch them become an even better version of you. Say this affirmation to yourself,

"I trust my upbringing. I trust my teen."

You have been, you are and always will be the best mom of your child. So, this mother’s day, remember A-R-T - A - Accept; R - Receive; T - Trust

Stop striving to become the BEST mom. Focus of the A-R-T of being the BEST mom. Happy mother’s day.

Categories: : Doctor, Mom, Parenting, Self love, Woman, Working moms